In case you're wondering, it's exactly 26 weeks away, which, from where I'm standing feels like an eternity. That date marks 16 weeks out from Eastern USA's....the whole reason I'm even blogging in the first place. I wish I could say that I'm motivated to use those 26 weeks to my advantage to continue building more muscle, but I'd be lying. To be completely honest, right now, I'm ready to say, fuck it. I feel like all the work I've been doing, and still have yet to do, isn't going to pay off in the end. I'll put on an extra 20 or 30 pounds this offseason only to wind up weighing an extra 5 pounds on stage come November 14th. I have thought about competing earlier at the Atlantic States, as the spring is usually when I choose to compete. But I have three weddings this year, one of which falls 3 weeks out from Atlantic States and the other that falls one week out. Basically, I'm trying to avoid being smack dab in the middle of dieting during these weddings.
I thought that taking a full year off from competing would be good for my body, and in reality, it probably is. But my mind is literally out of control. I spent the last four weeks on a mini diet and lost 8 pounds (final weight on Saturday was 142), but I feel like it was useless. I feel like after this week of adding my carbs back in, I'll be right back up to a very round 150. And with 26 weeks to go, who knows how much more weight will pile on. It's so frustrating because I genuinely eat clean during the offseason. My calories are high, but I truly stay away from crappy foods. And let's say I do put on plenty more quality weight, who's to say that it won't all get dieted away? My leg workout yesterday yielded some pretty unimpressive numbers....yeah, I feel like I'm getting weaker? WTF? I feel like I've lost focus in my workouts. I keep hoping if I get into another type of training program, I'll break out of this funk. But it seems like, since I haven't been able to train with the Homeslice, I lose all creativity and progress in my workouts. As much as we would bicker during our workouts sometimes, I always knew there was a method to the workout, and I could acurately track progress. Now I feel like I'm just going in there and haphazardly throwing some weight around.
On a totally other level, this hamstring injury of mine has become all-consuming during a lot of workouts. Exercises that I used to love doing, squats, dead lifts, anything for hams/glutes, have becoming exercises that I dread doing because they result in so much pain. I am almost waiting for that hamstring to tear and roll right up into my glute. I wish I could get inside the head of some pros who train with these injuries. How do they do it? How do they continue making progress? Maybe I'm just a chicken shit because I'm too freaked out about my ham actually tearing that I don't even focus on my workouts themselves.
So, yeah, there it is, my blog of bitching. I officially have nothing good to write in this one. Usually I can find some glimmer of positivity somewhere, as tiny as it may be, but I got nothing here. So for now, I'll just wallow...