Saturday, February 28, 2009

Big Wheels

Yeah buddy! I had to put this in here because it was probably my favorite toy growing up. I totally used to rule the neighborhood pedaling around on my Smurfette Big Wheel, running over any and everything in my way.

Also, today's workout was all about big wheels. I managed, again, to make progress on my squats getting 215 for 5! It was a good set; though, my 4th rep was a little shaky, making me nervous for the final rep. I had so much anxiety going into this workout because I knew I'd be training by myself, and I was afraid of squatting without someone at least standing there. But it wound up being a killer workout. Again, stronger on pretty much everything, and my legs are already getting a little sore. Hopefully, I'll be at my goal of 225 within a month.

It seems that every once in a while, I have one particular body part that makes consistent progress for weeks on end. I'm struggling with pretty much everything else, but my squats just keep jumping up. In fact, I've managed to get in great leg workouts for the past few weeks (despite my little knee mishap). Last night's shoulder workout yielded no progress on standing presses but was still a good workout overall. I got 105 for 3, then dropped down to 100 and squeaked out 5....same as last week. Son of a bitch! I thought I would have 105 this week.

I will say new position at work has had some impact on my workouts. Lately, nobody on my caseload seems to be doing what they're supposed to, which leaves me running around trying to find them or arrest them or bring them back to court--or all 3. And all that equates to me being completely mentally (and sometimes physically) exhausted. I'm working more hours, too. I'm a little nervous about how this will all pan out when I start dieting. I guess I'll find a way to make it work.

Oh yeah, one more weight. Up to 146.4 today (+3 lbs). My appetite started coming back this week, but I was still force feeding a little bit. As with most things, as time goes on, I know I'll start to feel better, but in the meantime, it still just stinks.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Change Up

Last night, my training partner and I opted for a little change of training scenery and went to a different local gym to hit up arms. It was a nice change from the often drab atmosphere that permeates our gym. There are a lot more younger people there, and by younger, I mean our age (which I guess isn't that young). There is also a little bit different attitude toward training out there in the sense that people are more serious about. Of course, with the younger population and "more serious" attitude toward training comes an extra dose of douchiness. But it was tolerable, and we had a pretty good workout overall.

One thing I will say, the makers of all barbells (EZ curl bars, regular bars, etc.) need to engrave the weight of the bar somewhere on the bar itself. For the life of us, we couldn't decide how heavy the EZ curl bar was. It seemed heavier than the typical 25lb bar but not heavy enough to be 35lbs. Being so obsessive about tracking my workouts makes this a problem for me because I feel like I have no idea if I had a good workout, as I can only base the opinion on how I feel afterwards. Also, I have thought many times about joining this gym even though it is WAY out of the way from any where I go during my regular day. They have great old school hammer equipment and a good setup for the leg stuff. But the deal breaker for me is the damn rubber weights...WTF!?! I just don't understand that. They're hard to get off the bar, and they're so much more cumbersome....essentially they're pointless. Of course, that's not entirely the deal breaker...that also came in the form of some of the people I ran into as well (but we won't go there).

It was pretty funny running into some people that I used to talk to from back when I trained at Gold's. I could easily say that I got the same reaction from everyone, "Woah, you got huge." Thanks, people. Though, there was one powerlifter guy who commented on my increased size, but in a tactful, complementary way that only another strength/physique athlete could do. So, overall, not a bad idea to break out of the mold for the night. Tonight it's back to drab....

Monday, February 23, 2009

So Close, Yet So Far

Yup, I'm talking about them damn dead lifts. I guess all I can do at this point is laugh at myself because it's just so freaking frustrating (and because I literally almost peed my pants tonight). I was totally on track to get 290 for 5. The first 4 went up ok, but during the 4th rep, my belt started to pinch a little too tight and I got that urge to pee. I though, "F it, I'll try for the 5th one, it's just one more. I can totally do it." Well, I got 1/2way up the 5th rep and knew if I pulled it the rest of the way up, I would have completely peed my pants. I'm not talking a little squeaker, I'm talking full blown 90-year-old uncontrollable peeing in your pants. But, I swear, if I had an extra pair of pants in my gym bag, I would have pulled that 5th rep and peed my pants with pride (and then changed, of course). Hell, I would have POOPED my pants if it meant I could get that 5th rep...but I'm not about to finish a workout with a load in my drawers. And I don't think the other members would appreciate me training in my undies. So, yeah, another week of unsuccessful dead lifts. If I was a positive thinker, I would focus on the fact that I got 4 reps, and the most I'd ever gotten with 290 was 3, so there's some progress. But I'm not.

Anyway, the rest of the workout went well, and I felt pretty good. But I tell you, dead lifts are starting to kill me mentally and physically, way more so than they ever used to. Guess it's these old bones and this batshit crazy mind of mine. Til next time, here's to an extra pair of pants and perhaps a set of Depends...

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Going To Extremes

Had I made this entry yesterday instead of today, it would have undoubtedly had a much more positive tone to it. Yesterday's quad workout was easily the best one of the week and had me in a good mood all day. It's amazing how something like that can affect your entire day. I always wondered if other people in the sport had the same feeling--that a good or bad workout could impact your day. Anyway, I finally made 210 for 5 yesterday, and it was clean and powerful. The reps were deep, and I exploded through each rep. I swear, I probably could have just gone home after that and been happy with my leg workout. After last week's ordeal with my knee, I was so scared to squat. But as I progressed through the warmup sets, it was painfree and felt fine. The rest of the leg workout followed suit after squats. I was stronger on just about everything and had a great mind-muscle connection. And now today, I have a nice pair of sore wheels. I love it. It's good to know that daily icing of my knee all last week really helped.

Oh yeah, the not so great part about yesterday was my weight. Down another .5 pounds to 143.2. I'm not surprised that this happened considering how my appetite's been, and I haven't exactly been forcing myself to eat. Yesterday's eating was probably the worst of the week, having only gotten in 3 and a half meals. But that has to be different this week. Today isn't looking too much better in the appetite department, but I'm determined to choke down all my meals if I have to. So far I'm doing ok's 12:30 and I've got 3 meals in already.

Now on to this morning's workout, if you could even call it that. As I would expect with my current personal situation, I'll have good days and bad days, and probably some really bad days. Today was a really bad day. Not only did I feel weak, but I had to take an intermission to go to the locker room and have a mini crying session. I don't understand why I can't keep it together for 2 hours to get through my workout. Part of my problem is that I can't get out of my own head. I have had a very hard time concentrating on anything for the past week, other than obsessing about the relationship issues. Anyway, I truged through the rest of it and finished what could be considered a rather unimpressive chest workout. Given that, I don't feel the need to rehash any numbers because they just weren't there today.

I'm hoping for a better week this week. If I can concentrate better, maybe I'll throw myself into some OT at work. God only knows I should do it now, because once I start dieting, there will be virtually NO night or weekend work for me, meaning that the drunks on my caseload will have 4 months of minimal supervision and they won't even know it...ha.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Flipped Upside Down and Inside Out

Ok folks, here's your disclaimer for a long and depressing post that has very little direct relation to training and will likely make me sound like a complete nut job. While my initial intention with this blog was only to document my training throughout the offseason and eventually my contest prep, the reality of the situation is that my offseason doesn't exist in a bubble--though I wish it did. And recent events have thrown me way off track.

During the past week, I have learned more than ever that no pain from any physical injury--no hamstring tear, or pinched nerve, or tendonitis, or knee injury--can even come close to the pain of having your heart broken. Sure, everyone's been there. Hell, I've been there before (and more than once with this same person). But this is like nothing I've ever felt before. I was actually stronger and more pain-free than I've ever been during my Tuesday night arm workout and Wedensday night ham workout because of this. My mental state, on the other hand, was a complete disaster. I literally started my ham workout in tears, and it wasn't until about 3/4 of the way through it that I was able to pull myself together enough to finish it. Then I thought about finishing with squats despite the large "NO SQUATS" note I left for myself in my log. It's crazy that something like that can make me say "to hell with my knee (or hamstring, shoulder, etc), squatting is more important."

As meticulous as I am with my diet and training, that has been virtually impossible for me to stay on top of it for the last several days. Believe me, I love to eat, and I've been loving eating this offseason. But I've been lucky if I've gotten in 4 of my 6 meals lately. And whatever I do get in, comes right out an hour later. I have never been so physically sick from something like this. In fact, I don't think I've ever been physically ill from something like this.

I dread going to the gym now because it's a gym I joined so that he and I could train together. Every time I put on my damn sneakers, I have to think of him (they were a pair of personalized Nike ID's that he got me for my birthday). It's mostly because of him that I'm even competing in this sport. I couldn't even finish my cardio and ab workout this morning because I simply can't keep my shit together.

Like anyone who's ever been in this situation knows, there's such a feeling of loss. On a very superficial level, I was so looking forward to this year of continuing to progress in my offseason with him and having him there when I finally stepped on stage as a bodybuilder. There's never been a show of mine that he hasn't been at with me. I'll never forget the show when I earned my WNBF pro card. We weren't together at the time, but he kissed me before I went on stage for the overall, and I already knew I had won. Most recently, last year when I came off stage at the Atlantic States after finally qualifying for Junior Nationals, I ran right into his arms, and he picked me up, pulled me into a big bear hug, and spun me around. It was the most amazing feeling ever. Now, I know that I'll have other amazing experiences throughout my time competing, but for now, I feel that not one can ever touch either of those. At this point, all I can think about is that sometime this year, there'll probably be another girl who will experience that exact same thing with him--only she'll probably be smart enough to not blog about it :-P

I'm sure there's so much more that I could write about this. Of course there is. My brain is going 24/7, and I don't seem to know what sleep is lately. I'm afraid of what the next day will bring and how I'll be able to handle it. I guess for now, if anyone asks, all I can say is "just pencil me in."

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Science Ball Thingie Workout

Last night was arms, which proved to be a pretty damn good workout. Trained with my usual partner, and I managed to get a great pump. The best part was that my wrists/forearms didn't bother me, so I was able to move the weight without any pain or numbness.

Tonight is hams. Usually I would squat at the end (either 5x5 or 6x10) but I'm trying to be smart here and let my knee get better so I can get some good quality squats in on quad day. I iced it again last night, and it seems to be feeling better. I could probably squat tonight but my "modifications" would likely wind up hurting me more. So I'll wait. But I'm such a nut job that I actually wrote in big letters under today's date "NO SQUATS" so I don't get all crazy and decide to do them. As great as Clarke and the Homeslice are as training partners, they're crazier than I am and wouldn't think twice about squatting with bad kneess (oh wait, they already do).

On a non-training related note, I have to comment on how I never cease to amaze myself with my level of stupidity. On the ride up to the gym last night, there was a car in front of us with a little ornament on the rear antenna. When I got close enough to get a better look at it, it looked like a ball with rings around it. And the subsequent conversation went a little like this:Me: "It looks like one of those science ball thingies." Clarke: "You mean, an atom?" Me: "Yeah, that." I swear, sometimes I don't know how I made it through college or managed to get my job. A lesson to be learned kiddies....there is some truth in the belief that you really don't have to be smart to be a cop/probation officer/parole officer. (For an extended version of the intellectual conversation, see

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Baby (Doesn't) Got Back

Yesterday I was off from work and was able to train in the morning. Normally, I love a mid-morning workout. I usually have gotten a good, long sleep the night before, have a little bit of food in me, and just love that time of day in general. That was so not the case for yesterday's back workout. As usual, I started out with 5x5 deadlifts, and right from the get, they didn't feel right. All I could think about was my knee from the day before and how I just HAD to get 295 for 5 because I've been stuck for the past couple of weeks. That's not usually a good way for me to start, and it proved to be the case yesterday. I was so caught up in my own head that by the time I got to my 5th set, I got 295 up for 1, and it was a shitty rep. So, I had a temper tantrum (as I do sometimes) and threw on 290 instead. But it didn't matter, I was already done. I got 290 for 3 (got 3/4 of the way up on the 4th rep but I quit). Usually when I have a bad couple sets like that, I'm able to pull my shit together and get back on track for the rest of the workout. But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't get the connection that I usually do, and I played head games with myself on every set. For example, after deads I did T-Bar rows and was pretty strong on them. But instead of thinking "Oh good, I'm finally getting stronger with this exercise," I think, "Big deal. I'm pulling more weight because I f'ed up dead lifts." So I muddled through the rest of the workout and finished off with some abs and 45 minutes of cardio.

Surprisingly, I woke up with a rather sore back this morning. There's always some redemption with that. At least the workout wasn't a total wash despite that I made zero progress. I also went back in my log book and tried to track where I left off with dead lifts and found that I only tried to get 290 once back in November when I only got it for 3 reps. So, that made me feel a little better, and next week, I'll plan on trying to get 290 for 5 instead of 295. One thing the Homeslice said to me recently that really sticks in my head (every once in a while I listen to what he says) is that sometimes I'm just not ready to get that new max. In other words, I need to build my confidence at 285 (or 290) before I'm actually "ready" to move up. Guess we'll see what next week brings...

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

Ok, so not bloody, but how about painful? This weekend I switched around my training and did chest on Saturday and Quads today. I felt pretty good going in to the workout this morning, and thought for sure that a 215 squat was in the cards. The first few sets felt good, and when I got the weight off the rack for the 5th set, I still felt ok. But I went down for the first rep and felt something scrape over my knee cap. Nothing popped, and I didn't feel pain right away but I started to panic. Since I wasn't in immediate pain, I decided to try to finish the set and pulled off two more shitty reps. The weird part was that I wasn't in excruciating pain afterwards, until I tried to bend my knee or squat back down.

The Homeslice tried to calm me down a bit and seemed to believe that it was a tendon that stretched over my patella (so gross). He managed to calm me down enough that I got up, walked around for a few minutes, and then tried a lighter set with 135 to avoid being afraid of squating ever again. Unfortunately, those 12 reps were epic and just plain painful. I finished the rest of the workout but only because my right leg carried me through. So, tomorrow my right leg should be pretty sore; my left one, on the other hand, will just be there chilling. After the gym, I iced my knee twice, and as of right now, it still hurts to bend down. And I'm not completely dumb, I know why this happened....that stupid fucking left hamstring. I was trying to compensate for it as usual, and it really bit me in the ass this time. But do I ever learn? Nope. Guess that makes me a dumb, meathead bodybuilder, huh? Oh well, I embrace it.

Saturday morning's chest workout pretty good. It was just me and the Homeslice, and things flowed smoothly. I missed 130 for 5 on incline bb presses (only got 2 again), but the rest of the work out was still decent. The surprise for me came when I got on the scale Saturday morning and saw 143.8 staring back at me. Meaning that I LOST 1.2 lbs from last week. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that I just lost some of the bloat from my monthly visitor (since last week I was 145). Which means that I probably only put about 2 lbs on after my first two weeks back on the offseason plan...not too bad considering that I got very well reacquainted with cashews.

Speaking of cashews....

Thursday, February 12, 2009

One Hell of a Week...and it's not even over yet

This week has been more problematic with work than with training. Though, it's safe to say that work problems definitely interfered with my training. Let's just say two drunk guys, a deer, an abusive husband, a firearm, and an obnoxious attorney all equally contributed to my week of hell. Sounds like quite the mix, huh? Just an average week in probation supervision. Needless to say, my 15 hour day on Tuesday both physically and mentally drained me, and left little energy for my Wednesday workout. Although nothing remarkably notable happened Monday, it was still a long day of doing home visits, and I was shot when it came time to train back that night. I missed 295 (AGAIN), but managed to have a good rest of the workout. Now is when I need a little backup from the Homeslice. I'm hoping to go down to LI to visit him on Monday and train back with him then...maybe that'll be the push I need to break 295. Anyway, I trained arms first thing in the morning on Tuesday knowing that I was going to be working a little bit later than usual that night. The workout was good, especially considering that I have a hard time training at 5:30am. Unfortunately, the day went about 3 and a half hours longer than I anticipated, and I didn't get home until 11pm. My old bones aren't built for late nights, and by the time I finally got to bed, there was no way I was getting up at 5am to do cardio Wedensday morning. Hams that night was like moving through quicksand, and I had a splitting headache from being so mentally shot.

Luckly, I was off from work today...thank you Abraham Lincoln. I made up my cardio this morning and didn't train, since Thursdays are usually my full day off. Instead of relaxing, I spent 4 hours sitting in the Honda dealership while they changed my stinking breaks. Later in the day, I was still wound up from work (I have a hard time leaving my work in the office so to speak), so I made some rounds and visited some friends I haven't seen in a while. It was a great way to help take my mind off things, and hopefully I'll be a little recharged for tomorrow. Friday is shoulders, which I love to train, so that's always something to look forward to. And, of course, the Homeslice will be home to train with me :-)

For now, it's off to bed for this old bag lady...

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Cashew-Eaters Annonymous

This past week I was officially back on my offseason diet, and unfortunately for me, I went a little crazy with the cashews. I can't help it. Most people crave sweet foods (which I often do) or pizza or some other really bad-for-you food. Nope, not me. I can't get enough of the cashews. Plain, raw, unsalted cashews. I was once asked if I had to choose between a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup and cashews, which would I choose. Hands down, the cashews. Yup, I'd take cashews over a pb cup any day. I could eat them until I'm sick, which I often do. I love cashews so much that I got 11 POUNDS of them for Christmas this year, and they were gone shortly after New Years (of course, I had some help with that).

My weight went back up to 145, which I was surprised about. Considering all the cashews I ate and that damn monthly addition, I figured I'd be at least 148 or 149. Hopefully, as I approach 150 again, it will look a little different than last time.

Training was rough this week. This may be an overshare but who's really reading this anyway? It never fails. The week before my monthly addition, I drag ass in the gym. I notice a significant decrease in the weights I can handle, and I just feel tired and run down, regardless of how much sleep I get. I touched on Monday's workout in the last post. Tuesday night was arms, and it started out not good. I had a stomach ache, but once I got moving, it started to subside, and I wound up having one of the better arm workouts that I've had in a while. Wedensday night hams was when things went downhill. Again, that damn left hamstring put a huge damper on the workout. Plus, I was just a headcase even before I walked into the gym (stupid PMS). I decided to try something a little different with the squats at the end. Usually we'll do 6x10 or 5x5, but I decided to do some higher reps. And by higher reps, I mean 100 total reps. I managed to do it in 4 sets of 25, but I didn't use enough weight. I only did 95 lbs, but it probably would have been more effective had I done 115 or even 135. Thursday's are completely off for me, and Friday's shoulder workout wasn't too bad. I didn't get a max on standing presses; though, I came awfully close. I wound up getting 105 for 4. When I left off a few months ago, I could barely get 100 for more than 2 or 3. So, I was happy with that. The rest of the workout was epic, but not too bad. I skipped shrugs because I think I re-injured that pinched nerve last Friday doing shrugs. I think I went too heavy and pinched it again....the numbness in my first two fingers is back.

This morning was quads, which was the best workout all week. And I trained by myself. I got 210 for 5 on squats, and they were solid and clean. I was really happy with that. The rest of the workout pretty much flowed from there. I finished off with a leg press exercise that the Homeslice showed me which I think he got from pro bb Erik Fankhauser (sp?). The guys use plates, but I have to use 25's, and this is do 10 reps with no weight, then add a 25 (or plate) to each side and do another ten reps. Only break to add another quarter to each side and then bang out 10 reps. You keep going on this until you can't get 10 anymore. The goal is to get to 10 plates (or 10 quarters in my case). The last time I did this, it was near the beginning of my leg workout and I only got 6 on each side. Today, it was my last exercise, and I had 8 on each side. The catch is, I only got 7 for the final set. My legs were toast at the end of the workout, and the soreness is setting in as I type....I love it!

One more thing. In addition to logging my workouts, I've also decided to jot notes down at the end of each session about my thoughts on the workout. I figure it'll be interesting to go back and read them and see what workouts I thought were good and which ones were crap. Knowing that I'm the textbook pessimist, I am making a concerted effort to be honest when I write my workout notes. If I didn't, the end of every workout would probably read, "SHITTY WORKOUT." It's my meager attempt at sprinkling some postivity on things.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Getting Into a Better Frame of Mind

So last night marked the return of the progressive 5x5. I know this will sound rediculous, but taking this long offseason has really allowed me to learn a lot about how to listen to my body and my mind when it comes to training. In the past, my offseasons were maybe 3 or 4 months, if that, so I was always in a state of "near-dieting." I never really needed to vary my training to make progress because my offseason was too short to allow for any progress, much less a change in training. But with all this time on my hands now, I've watched myself go through so many stages of change in terms of my physique, my diet, and my attitude to training and the whole process overall. But what has struck me the most is how good I have become at reading the signs indicating a need for change in my training. When the time comes for a switcheroo, I tend to get down on everything. I lose sight of the progress that I have made, and I feel like I can't possibly make any more. And there are some physical signs to back this up, too. Usually I lose sight of the progress I've made because in general, my progress has STOPPED. I start dragging through my workouts, and I get that "hazy-brain" feeling you get when you're training on a contest diet. Essentially, I'm bored.

This was how I knew I was ready to go back to the 5x5. I stopped it a couple of months ago because the pressure I put on myself to hit a new max each week was getting to be too much. But now that I feel like I'm lacking goals in my training, I am ready to bring them back. Trying to beat the log book will hopefully get me motivated again. And, after last night's back workout, that seemed to be just the push I need. Hopefully, that's an indicator of good stuff to come in the next few weeks. While I only got 295 for 3, the rest of the workout went pretty well, and having something to work towards seemed in infuse some new enthusiasm into the workout.

To help matters last night, I ran into a girl who used to work the front desk at my gym. She can't be more than 20 years old, and she's just the cutest thing ever. I haven't seen her in a few months, and she came up to me and literally gushed about how great she thought I looked. I was like, "Even if you're just saying that to be nice, I love you." Her timing of the compliment and her genuine nature were exactly what I needed. So, even if it wasn't the truth, it was still nice to hear.

Tonight it's off to hit arms....provided we don't get snowed in, AGAIN.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Trying to Make Myself Feel Better

In an attempt to make myself feel better, I went back and compared my 5RM from July '08 (before my surgery) to my new 5RM. The look something like this:
Dead Lift: 285 (+15 lbs)
Incline BB Press: 115 (+15 lbs)
Squat: 205 (+30 lbs)
Standing Military Press: 100 (+15 lbs)

One note about the new maxes, is that those numbers are not from the same progressive 5x5 that I was doing in July. I have been doing 5x5 with the same weight (based off of my old 5RM) and then trying to hit a new max on my last one or two sets. Also, technically, I haven't been training consistently since July because of my surgery, so those maxes went up since September when I came back to trianing. Hopefully, taking all that into consideration, when I go back to the progressive 5x5, my maxes will jump even higher.

July 25th Is An Eternity Away

In case you're wondering, it's exactly 26 weeks away, which, from where I'm standing feels like an eternity. That date marks 16 weeks out from Eastern USA's....the whole reason I'm even blogging in the first place. I wish I could say that I'm motivated to use those 26 weeks to my advantage to continue building more muscle, but I'd be lying. To be completely honest, right now, I'm ready to say, fuck it. I feel like all the work I've been doing, and still have yet to do, isn't going to pay off in the end. I'll put on an extra 20 or 30 pounds this offseason only to wind up weighing an extra 5 pounds on stage come November 14th. I have thought about competing earlier at the Atlantic States, as the spring is usually when I choose to compete. But I have three weddings this year, one of which falls 3 weeks out from Atlantic States and the other that falls one week out. Basically, I'm trying to avoid being smack dab in the middle of dieting during these weddings.

I thought that taking a full year off from competing would be good for my body, and in reality, it probably is. But my mind is literally out of control. I spent the last four weeks on a mini diet and lost 8 pounds (final weight on Saturday was 142), but I feel like it was useless. I feel like after this week of adding my carbs back in, I'll be right back up to a very round 150. And with 26 weeks to go, who knows how much more weight will pile on. It's so frustrating because I genuinely eat clean during the offseason. My calories are high, but I truly stay away from crappy foods. And let's say I do put on plenty more quality weight, who's to say that it won't all get dieted away? My leg workout yesterday yielded some pretty unimpressive numbers....yeah, I feel like I'm getting weaker? WTF? I feel like I've lost focus in my workouts. I keep hoping if I get into another type of training program, I'll break out of this funk. But it seems like, since I haven't been able to train with the Homeslice, I lose all creativity and progress in my workouts. As much as we would bicker during our workouts sometimes, I always knew there was a method to the workout, and I could acurately track progress. Now I feel like I'm just going in there and haphazardly throwing some weight around.

On a totally other level, this hamstring injury of mine has become all-consuming during a lot of workouts. Exercises that I used to love doing, squats, dead lifts, anything for hams/glutes, have becoming exercises that I dread doing because they result in so much pain. I am almost waiting for that hamstring to tear and roll right up into my glute. I wish I could get inside the head of some pros who train with these injuries. How do they do it? How do they continue making progress? Maybe I'm just a chicken shit because I'm too freaked out about my ham actually tearing that I don't even focus on my workouts themselves.

So, yeah, there it is, my blog of bitching. I officially have nothing good to write in this one. Usually I can find some glimmer of positivity somewhere, as tiny as it may be, but I got nothing here. So for now, I'll just wallow...