Monday, November 30, 2009

Back Under the Squat Rack

I know I haven't posted since I was in Florida just before Nationals, but it's been a crazy week and a half since then with getting back to work and then Thanksgiving. Not to mention that I've had so much stuff going on in my head about pretty much everything, from how things played out this year contest-wise, to what my plan of attack is going to be for the offseason, what shows will I do next year, and then of course, all the other stuff in my personal life that I pushed aside in the last few weeks of prep. I have kept meaning to get on here and just type away with whatever came to mind, but there was just too much stuff jumbled in my head for me to even begin to write it all out.

On the whole, I would say that my first year of bodybuilding was a success. No, I didn't win any shows. Hell, I can't even say that I made any impressive placings. BUT I was very happy with the final package that I put together. I knew before I even committed to switching to bodybuilding that I would be small to begin with. I knew I'd be a lightweight this year, and I knew that I would be a tall, skinny one at that. So, my feedback after Nationals was no surprise....I need to fill out my 5'3 frame with more muscle. Ideally, I would like to be at the top end of the middleweights and weigh in around 123 or 124 (which would put me at 10 lbs more than what I weighed in at for Nationals-114.6). Unfortunately, I need to have patience for that because it's not going to happen in the next year. I feel like it's reasonable for me to think that in 2-3 years, I can achieve that goal. That being said, my plan of attack for the offseason? EAT and GROW! Within reason, of course.

One thing I will say is that this year only fueled the fire that much more for me to grow and make changes. My back width continues to be something that I need to work on. And I HAVE to address this hamstring/glute issue...which I am happy to say, I've already taken the steps to get that going agian. I have an appointment with a rather well-known sports doctor this weekend and will hopefully have a better idea of what's going on down there. The unfortunate thing is that he's 2 and a half hours away, but I don't care. I want to know what's wrong and what I need to do to fix it. If that means driving 2 and a half hours to do it, well, then, that's what I'll do.

Anyway, I got back from Florida on Sunday afternoon and by Monday night I was back in the gym training legs. For now, I've been doing 60 minutes of cardio per day to try to taper down into offseason mode and try to minimize the intense post-show weight gain. I have been following the protein/fat diet but am adding in more food whenever I'm hungry, which seems to be quite often now that I'm back to training heavy again. So the offseason journey has begun yet again...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

2 Days Out

As I type this, I'm sitting in my hotel room in warm, sunny (well, it was sunny earlier today before it got dark out lol) Florida after finally weighing in...114.5
I cut things WAY too close for my liking (at 5pm I was still 117), but I made it. Today was miserable. By the time I got to weigh-ins at about 9pm, I hadn't had anything to drink all day except sips of water to swallow my pills, and I hadn't eaten anything since 2pm. I knew it was only water, but that shit would just not budge! Anyway, the stressful part is over, and now I just need to eat and start filling out becuase I'm flat as hell from trying to suck down.

I gotta say, I genuinely have no expectations for this show at all. There seem to be quite a few more lightweights here than I originally thought, and we all look, well, "light" I guess. Except for a couple of girls, who are barely pushing 5 feet tall and are pretty thickly muscled. Anyway, I'm just so excited to even be here in the first place that anything else that might come along is just icing (mmmm, icing).

I was thinking today while I was waiting to board my flight that it was exactly one year ago that I was sitting in that exact same airport waiting to fly to Atlanta to watch Nationals...I NEVER thought I'd be here this year competing in it. That in and of itself is such a good feeling. That being said, I'm gonna go lay in my huge, plush, king size bed and relish in that for now :0)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Playing Catch-up, Then Heading to Florida!

I just wanted to post quick before leaving for Nationals tomorrow morning since I haven't posted anything since just prior to Eastern USA's. It's really just been a rediculously crazy week and a half. I had a good time at Easterns and really appreciated all the support I had that was a great feeling. I weighed in at 114.6--perfect. I have to admit, I was initally disappointed with my placing and am a little embarassed that I made that so apparent that night. But then I finally looked at my pictures at the end of the night and instantly felt 100 times better. I couldn't believe what I looked like, and I was ecstatic at how everything came together with my physique (especially at the night show where I was much harder and sharper). It was exactly how I wanted to look, and I couldn't have done a single thing differently.

After the night show, I definitely went out and ate quite a bit and enjoyed myself, maybe a little too much. Because, here I am, 24 hours before the early weigh-ins for Nationals and am still 5 lbs over where I need to be. I know my body pretty well and am certain that it's just water that I'm still holding. So, I have no doubt that I'll make weight, but I'm afriad it won't happen Thursday night and I'll have to wait until Friday morning. The plan is for me to continue with the protein/veggie diet tomorrow and limit my water in hopes that I'll drop that last little bit of bloat. When I make weight tomorrow night (see, I'm trying to be positive here), I'll go back to the fat loading that I did last week and proceed the same way up through pre-judging.

The last two days have been very stressful for me with work and trying to get everything ready to go for this weekend. I'm not a good traveler at all, and I have a lot of anxiety about getting to Florida and making sure I have everything I need. I know everything will ultimately work out, and I keep trying to remind myself of that because this is an experience that I really want to genuinely enjoy. I have a couple shoots set up for when I'm down there, too, which should be fun. For once I'll have some professional shots while I'm in contest shape, like everyone has been harassing me to get. Alright, it's about time for me to chow down on my last meal for the day and then head to bed. This time tomorrow night, I'll be stepping on the scale at the Westin Hotel and see 114.9 staring back at me....

Friday, November 13, 2009

Second Guessing

Well, I started this blog as a place to talk about my diet and training and all the mental crap that goes along with it, and that includes all the positive and negative stuff. And today, with one day to go, I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing with myself. I felt great yesterday after having fat added into my diet. I felt pretty rested and relaxed and felt like I was getting tighter (if that makes any sense). But then last night I didn't sleep well, and when I got up to weigh myself this morning, I was up to 119. Now granted, I won't have a problem making lightweight this weekend, but in typical Melissa fashion, I'm super stressed about making the 115 lightweight cutoff for Nationals next weekend. Everyone's asking how I look and if I'm ready, but to be honest, at this point, I can only say "I don't know" because I can't even look at myself. I have absolutely no ability to be objective now, so I just don't look. I don't think I've looked at myself since Wednesday morning. I know most of what I'm thinking is completely irrational and rediculous to a large extent. And I know I should just be excited for tomorrow, and I am, but this crazy, overwhelming obsession with trying to be "perfect" seems to be superceding everything. This is one of those times when I wish I could just step back and enjoy the results of my hard work and be proud that the time's finally here.

So, I've decided to spend the first half of my day at work in hopes that it'll keep me occupied (clearly that's not working since I'm typing this while I'm at work). This afternoon when I get home I'm forcing myself to take a nap, even if it means using tylenol pm or something to help me get to sleep, and then tonight begins Adventures in JanTana. Hopefully by then, I'll be in a better place about how I look.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Random Thoughts From a Depleted Soul, Part Deux

I'm apologizing ahead of time for the rambling, scattered nature that will ultimately be this blog entry. My head is all over the place for a number of reasons, namely that I'm starving but mostly because I'm so FREAKING EXCITED for this weekend. My emotions have been up and down all week and seem to change with by the hour. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna go great and sometimes I feel like I'm gonna get my ass handed to me. If only I could figure out a way to remove my brain for the next few days...

I have reached a point in this diet that I never thought I'd get to...I actually dread my meals. And not because I'm not hungry, but because eating them only seems to make me feel even more hungry. For the first time in my life, I get absolutely no satisfaction from eating. In fact, I would venture to say that my time doing cardio has become more enjoyable than anything else, yes, even eating. I think it's because my cardio time is truly the only time where my brain shuts off, and I literally don't think about anything. I wind up becoming completely absorbed in whatever magazine I'm reading or tv show I'm watching.

Which, by the way, reminds me that I think I've come across my new favorite "reality" show....Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. Now, before anyone starts thinking I'm some crazy sex addict, allow me to explain. My interest in the show has more to do with the ADDICTION part than the sex part. I also really liked Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, this show's apparent predecessor. Anyway, it's so interesting to me because my career experience has proven that real-life rehab is nothing like what these two shows portray, so I find it rather amusing to watch based on that fact alone. Plus, I think Dr. Drew's kinda cute...with those little glasses and all. Ok, now that I've explained myself, feel free to go ahead and laugh at me.

As I'm bringing this to a close, I have a mere 3 cardio sessions left this week (tonight, tomorrow morning, and tomorrow night) and a final workout tomorrow night. Then it's time to relax and pose, pose, pose on Thursday and Friday. Fortunately, I'm off from work tomorrow thanks to all the Veterans out there, so I'll use that time to get some things ready for this weekend, and then it's back to work all day Thursday and only in the morning on Friday. I also have to think about getting stuff together for next week's trip to Florida, since I'm flying out early Thursday morning and have to work for the first half of the week (boooooo). Oh yeah, and the racing thoughts begin again....

Friday, November 6, 2009


Now that I'm down to just about one week til showtime, I'm starting to get antsy. But if there is one thing that I've really come to learn in the past year and a half, it's how to have a little more patience. When I started this journey, I was antsy to pack in as many calories as possible, antsy to put on as much muscle as possible, and finally antsy to start my contest prep. I was so ready to get the ball rolling that I had considered doing a show earlier in the year. But I kept telling myself to be patient, let my body progress and build muscle so that it stays when I diet down. And now that I'm one week out, I'm seeing that having a little patience pays off. I really feel like I've held on to the majority of the muscle I've put on, sans maybe a little bit up top.

I'm glad I didn't rush into contest prep earlier this year. Maybe it wouldn't have made all that much of a difference, but I stuck to the original plan, and in 7 days, it'll be time to close it out. I've been patient for the past year and a half, so what's 7 more measly days? Technically I only have 4 more workouts. Hell, tonight will be my last full back workout for two weeks. I won't start counting down cardio sessions until Sunday, as there are still too many left to make it sound optimistic at this point. No plans for this weekend other than training and relaxing because you know I'm not trying to catch that damn swine flu. And then it's just time to cruise through next week...

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

If I Wanted a Pet, I Would Have Gotten a Puppy

Instead, I came across the third, yes THIRD, mouse in my apartment this year. Now, let me just say for the record, I am a very neat and clean person. Even in my current pre-contest state of not caring about anything, I keep my apartment clean, so there's no garbage, crumbs, rotting food or whatever to attract any kind of rodent or insect. After two interesting mice experences in the late winter and another just a month or so ago, I attempted to set up a force field to keep the mice out (traps and poison galore along with filling in every crack and hole I could find, or so I thought). Just last night, I decided to check one of the traps in the spot where I think they are coming in through, and sure 'nuff, there's a dead mf'er. WTF!!! Unfortunately, I have a crippling fear of mice, and since it was around midnght when I found the little bugger, well, let's just say, as I write this about 14 hours later, it's still there. But not to worry, I have a very specialized rodent eliminator coming later tonight to deploy his special corpse removal services. In the meantime, I went back to Home Depot to restock the anti-mouse arsenal with more poison, traps, and hole-plugging foam. I swear, the next time I see one of those things, I'm just gonna shoot it...then maybe my landlord will call in a REAL exterminator to address the problem.

Enough about the rodents that seem to be taking over and on to better my prep. I had a good leg workout again on Sunday (or rather, mentally I was in a good place). I threw in some walking db lunges, which I haven't done in a few weeks, and that really tore up my glutes. Hell, they're still sore. Then yesterday, I got the opportunity to head down to Bev's and train shoulders for an Iron Asylum video. It was awesome, but we'll see what the final product looks like. I'm not exactly a smiling, cheery person these days, and that apparently came across in the training video. And Dave totally called me out on the fact that I could have smiled more during the video. Oh well, I'm sure I'll be smiling plenty on the 14th. Then there was the interview...let's just hope I don't sound like a complete idiot. Either way, I had fun doing it, and it was just a good day all around. I'm just counting the days down until showtime and getting more and more excited.