Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Need to Vent

As I type this, I'm fresh off a SHITTAY back workout. My lower back and left ham have been really bad lately. And I couldn't pull crap for dead lifts tonight. It was such an f'ing joke, and I felt bad for my training partner because after an hour of warming up and doing some crappy 5-rep sets, I was still having a temper tantrum in the back over my inability to get 305 for 1. I finally told the poor guy to just go on without me. Sometimes, that's just better for everyone because I wind up getting stuck in my own f'ed up head when stuff like this happens, and I'm better left to just wallow alone in my own misery. I was exhausted before I even stepped into the gym (hell, I thought I was gonna fall asleep when I was driving up to the gym), and I just couldn't get into a rhythm. For whatever reason, my lower back never seems to feel recovered and fresh lately, and I'm wondering if it has to do with the exercises that I've been doing that Mike gave me. Maybe it's too much between the exercises 3x/week plus squatting plus dead lifting. I also seem to be having increasing problems with my left shoulder. I'm quickly losing my range of motion, and it hurts to do presses and lateral movements. Some days are better than others with that, though. Plus, this cold weather is not helping my old, decrepit bones.

Anyway, my weight this past Saturday was 139.8, so I seem to be holding pretty consistently around the 140 mark, give or take some damn water retention. It's amazing how my weight shot right up after Nationals, but then things seemed to level out pretty quickly, and I probably have't put on more than 5-7 pounds in the past two months (yet, I was 130 within a few weeks of coming off the contest diet). I have noticed that that's pretty typical for me...gaining weight very quickly after the show but then leveling out quickly. I have been unable to figure out how to let my weight slowly increase after prep, but I also don't have a horrible, unmanageble rebound afterwards either. So, now that my offseason is in full swing, I desperately want to be seeing good numbers and cranking out great workouts, but I don't feel like that's happening. Maybe my perception is just skewed because of tonight's shitty workout. I am realizing lately that if I could just get out of my own way, there are a lot of things that could go much more smoothly for me in all areas of my life. Maybe one day this'll happen.

Pictures are in order this weekend, and again, I'm scared to do them, so I imagine that they'll wind up getting put off for another week (or two or three).

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