Monday, February 22, 2010

Time to Get Real

Well, to be completely honest, I've just about had it with this sport (I know, how many times have I said that before?). Here I am, in the middle of my offseason, on an f'ing diet. What am I doing wrong here? I follow a clean, offseason food plan, train my ass off, and keep up on my cardio, and I STILL get fat. When does a girl catch a break? In case you hadn't figured it out, I took pictures this past Sunday, which set this meltdown into motion. My weight on Saturday, after a week of the diet, was 141.2, which was an increase from the week before. Seriously, what the fuck? So, I figured I'd take pictures in hopes that I'd see some progress. But who the hell am I kidding? Despite cutting out my carbs, I still feel bloated and didn't tighten up in the least. My calories are right around 1600 now, and prior to that, they were about 2500...WHY are things going in the opposite direction than they should be? I still feel a little messed up physically from the contest diet, but I don't quite understand how that could be possible. But what gets me the most is that I'm busting my ass trying to keep my gains as clean as possible yet all I see is a fat ass and a slowly growing belly. My goal of being 120 on stage this year? Pfffft, I don't see that happening. I have been holding steady right around 140 for the past two months, but there has been little change to my shape/body compsition. I'll probably end up sucking down to be a lightweight again...another year as a tall, skinny-ass lightweight. Awesome.

I feel like this shouldn't be this difficult. I was eating much more food last offseason, and I don't feel like I looked like this...even at 10 lbs heavier. I'm sure I'm being melodramatic here (I know, shocking), but I'm starting to wonder why I do this anymore. I love competing, and I love training. I love having a goal to work towards and pushing myself to be better. But right now, I don't feel like I'm getting better, and I'm wondering what all this work is for. I trust my coach to keep me on track and not let me get behind or waste time, but I still can't understand where I'm going wrong. I'm contemplating taking pictures again this weekend and see if I've tightened up at least a little bit.

On a more positive note, my workouts this week have been pretty decent. I would say that there's been some increase in strength. My training split has been a little screwy though because of this rediculous snow storm that we've been having for the past 3 days. Twice this week, I've gotten up to do my morning cardio only to find out that the gym wasn't open. NOT a good way for me to start my day. Don't they know that people have fat to lose? My chunky butt doesn't care if there's a foot of snow needs to be working on the stepmill at 5am. Anyway, this storm will hopefully be out of here by late tonight, and then things can start to get back to normal. Let's just hope that this is it for awhile because I sure as hell don't want to be trying to travel in a snow storm next week for the Arnold.

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