Stuck

And the rut continues....but tomorrow I'm starting another mini dieting phase. I finally reached a point where I can't stand how I look, and I can't justify how I look by the weights I'm moving in the gym because I don't feel like I'm moving anything. Starting tomorrow, I'm running a test contest diet for the next 4 or 5 weeks. We decided that it will be a little trial and error to see how my body responds to everything, with the ulterior motive of getting some of the fat off again. Unlike the last mini diet I did back in January, this one already involves more cardio (I'm starting at 60 minutes, 7 days/week) and will likely involve protein/veggie days by the last two weeks, at least. I think it will also determine if I will start my contest diet at 16 weeks out or if we'll make it 18 weeks. I can't help but get so frustrated with things. Here I am, I spend my entire offseason being meticulous about my eating (eating LOTS but making it the right foods), and I feel like I put on too much fat. And then, contest dieting time rolls around, and I can't seem to get the fat off of me. Maybe I'm average, and I just don't realize it. But I don't know many women who had to do 3 hours of cardio/day during a figure prep.

I had another "Unprepared" dream this week. That's what I've decided to call these dreams now. This time, it was November, and I was sitting in the auditorium of the Tribeca at Eastern USA's. Except, I still look like I do right now, and they were calling my name to be back stage for pump up. Now, I know it's rediculous to think that I wouldn't be prepared for a show....I'm a planning nazi. But I think it's reflective of the thought that crosses my mind every day.....that I've done all this work for over a year only to wind up stepping on stage looking exactly the same--a skinny, little runt. I swear, if that happens, I'm quitting the sport (or maybe I'll just switch to bikini). The bottom line is that I'm afraid my hard work won't pay off. I guess only time will tell...