Oh My God, Look at You! You Look.......Good

Since my last post when I bitched about people's comments about my weight gain, the number of comments has only increased. In fact, it reached an interesting point this past weekend at a local bodybuilding show here in good ol' PK. I ran into a ton of people who I haven't seen in months, since switching to my current Hole-in-the-Wall gym in the sticks. And without exaggeration, 95% of the greetings started with, "Oh my god, look at you!"--what? do I have a booger hanging from my nose? --"You look...(long pause)....good." I mean, really, can a girl take an offseason and put on weight without people commenting? I do know that most people are used to seeing me around 130 in my "offseason." And now I'm carrying 15 extra pounds (and a new rack), so it's definitely a noticible difference in my dimunitive 5'3 frame. But still, people. At least try to be a little less offensive or sound more convincing when you tell me I look "good." And of course, the comments continue on a daily basis from my coworkers. I actually had a bit of a breakdown about the whole weight/size thing at the end of last week (well, ok, a big breakdown). Complete with sobbing and talks of saying 'F' the whole competing thing. But thanks to the Homeslice, he managed to talk some sense into me, and at least calm me down enough to convince me to go another week or two on my current diet and continue to put on some more weight.

I knew a breakdown like this was inevitable. I've been fighting this whole weight gaining thing from the beginning....hence this blog. But I will admit, the upside to all of this distorted body image is the progress in the gym. Not only does my strength steadily continue to increase each week, but I have improved my technique on a lot of key exercises, which has probably also contributed to strength gains. I also started using a belt for some of those exercises. Something I've never done before. And yes, I have officially accepted that I am a female meathead. My strength is no longer functional. All of my flexibility is gone. And I sometimes carry a weight belt with me. I will continue to make fun of myself for using a belt, but there's no doubt that using one has made squats and dead lifts so much easier-relatively speaking, that is.

This past Saturday's weigh-in was 145.2...up about a pound, which is much more comforting than the last two weigh-ins that were +3 and +4 pounds. For now, I'm just trying to accept that not only is this weight gain necessary but that it's not permanent. I know how to diet. I know I can follow a contest prep and get in shape, and I'll do whatever I need to in order to be in shape (hell, I've done 3 hours of cardio a day for a week and a half). So this is only temporary for the next 8 months....