Ok, I've purposely taken a bit of a break from posting here because I started to find myself getting pulled way off track from what I'm trying to do this year, as far as this sport is concerned. I keep talking about all the things I want to accomplish this year, and I'm doing everything as was originally planned out. But it's all just felt so empty lately, like I was going through the motions and running a lot of lip service. And that is NOT me. If there's one thing I pride myself on, it's that I do what I say I will. I follow through...sometimes, to a fault. I've been known to be so stubborn as to follow through with something simply because I said I would, regardless of whether everything else says I should do otherwise. And this is where I found myself a few weeks ago. My workouts, my eating, all of it was being done to a T but not because I was driven to reach the end goal. It was being done because I said I would do these things to reach a certain goal. There was no desire, no purpose behind what I was doing. Basically, I needed to figure out if I'm in this because I love it or because I said I was gonna do it.
While I'm still feeling a little disconnected from all the positive feelings and thoughts I usually have about training and competing, I think I'm heading back in the right direction. I've had two solid weeks of great workouts. I am starting to make major progress each workout, which always makes me want to go back for more. While it no longer surprises me, it will never cease to amaze me how other people can impact how you go about pursuing certain goals or dreams. Sometimes the people who you think will be your biggest motivators and supporters can turn out to be your biggest hurdles. For now, I'm just focusing on getting good workouts in and trying to find my way back to that love of the sport.