Thursday, December 24, 2009

I'm Not Fat, I'm Festively Plump

After the holidays, I'll have to come up with a better excuse as to why I look and feel like a roley-poley because there's nothing "festive" about the offseason weight gain. Workouts have been going pretty well, but I honestly can't say I've been making all that much progress in my 5x5's. Lately I seem to be distracted and unable to focus on much of anything. This whole year has been kinda tough on me in a lot of ways, and it all seems to be rearing it's ugly head now. It's been taking a lot of energy for me to get my head into my workouts. It's like, I'm motivated to train and look forward to going to the gym, but it's so draining to get myself completely entrenched in the workout like I'm typically able to do. For whatever reason, I feel like something is missing, and I can't quite put my finger on it.

Sometimes I think I'm bored and need a change of pace, and I consider making a drastic move to somewhere warm...I mean, hell, technically I could find work in my field just about anywhere. Sometimes I wonder if I'm burnt out already with my job and need an entire career change, but I know that's not it because I still enjoy going to work (even though I get stressed and frustrated sometimes). Unfortunately, this whole void-thing is something I've become fixated on figuring out, and it's become pretty consuming and draining, and of course, is taking away from my workouts. Last offseason, I had this incredible fire to make a good first impression as a bodybuilder. Now that I've done that, I guess I feel lost as far as being goal-oriented. I mean, I should be able to put on enough muscle to make me a middleweight next year, but the reality of the situation is that I'll be a very small middleweight. And it certainly won't be enough to make me any kind of standout bodybuilder (not that I'm assuming I'll ever be a standout athlete, but what's the point of doing this if you don't have some sort of big end goal, right?). Hell, I worry if it'll even be enough to make any noticible difference in my physique. I know this sport is a marathon, and it takes time (translation: years) to build the look I want, so I have to be patient. But it's so hard sometimes to stay focused and fired up in the moment when the end goal seems so far away and just plain out of reach.

Well, looks like I've just played my own counselor role and sort of figured out what part of that missing link is. Now, if only I can figure out how to fill it (and I don't mean with cashews)....

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